RE: ACME Rocket Powered Roller Skates Recall
To Whom It May Concern,
It comes to our attention that one of our customers suffered a near fatal accident while using our ACME Rocket Powered Roller Skates. Considering our high success rate with public figures such as Bugs Bunny, Speedy Gonzales, and Tweety Bird, our lawsuit from Mr. Wile E. Coyote comes as a shock to ACME employees and a blemish on the ACME brand.
At ACME, safety is our primary concern and we take pride in ensuring our customer’s satisfaction. Whether it be ACME Explosive Tennis Balls, ACME Portable Bottomless Pits, ACME Tunnel Paint, ACME Dynamite, ACME Anvils, ACME Spring Shoes or ACME Gun Powder, we take careful consideration when it comes to the manufacturing of our products and meeting client needs for tomfoolery. Once again, our product is for tomfoolery use only.
Unfortunately, our ACME Rocket Powered Roller Skates could not live up to Mr. Coyote’s hunting standards. Upon thorough review of his situation, his use of a tomfoolery-driven product in a game hunting scenario was dangerous and nearly fatal. Our thoughts and prayers are with Mr. Coyote for a speedy recovery.
As a testament to our strive for perfection, we will re-evaluate our product in further testing. We will also consider all possible outcomes in the event of combustion. We at ACME have seen the footage of Mr. Coyote’s accident and we will make sure an unforeseen circumstance will not lead to a pair of blinking eyeballs in a pile of ashes.
Because of this serious oversight, we are willing to provide you with replacement ACME Rocket Powered Roller Skates if you have purchased the product in recent months and believe your product is faulty as well.
We deeply value your relationship with ACME and we are committed to providing you with the highest level of service simply because our customers deserve the very best when it comes to their ACME products for tomfoolery. If you have any further questions or comments regarding this matter, please feel free to discuss it with us.
Yours in service,